i get by with a little help from Dave Matthews and Madonna...

Have I ever mentioned that I want to be a more conservative version of Carrie Bradshaw?

Anyway.

Sometimes I feel like I have all these rambled, crazy thoughts and situations scrambling around in my head, but at the same time, they can all somehow connect. Two things that seem completely unrelated can somehow find common ground through something.

I have always felt like I communicate the best through words. I like to sit down, let my thoughts flow, and then put them on paper, or in this case, a computer. I like writing a sweet hand-written note almost as much as I like receiving them.

Two things are buzzing in my head right now. And though they may seem unrelated, it's easy for me to see how they can connect.

First of all, maybe it is just because I'm growing up, but does the world seem completely crazy?

I can't help but quote one of my favorite Dave songs... "the world is blowing up/the world is caving in/the world has lost its way again..." (that's "Oh" by Dave Matthews by the way...download it.) Those lyrics cross my mind when I see things like having 19 children, oil spills, dirty politics, the economy, hoarding shows, and at least a thousand different ways to lose weight. It's like our world is searching to fill a void.

No offense to anyone who wants to have 19 children, but isn't that just a bit excessive? Can two parents honestly provide adequate love and attention to 19 children without relying on the work of the older siblings? If they can...that's wonderful, but it seems unlikely. Maybe I'm just an old fashioned narrow minded woman.

Moving on from that side thought, I can't watch TV for more than 10 minutes without seeing a commercial about a diet plan, diet pill, or new exercise machine. The world is obsessed weight. From TV shows about being morbidly obese to aneorexic and everything in between, it seems to completely consume our culture.

It is so easy to let it consume us, too. I've never been accused of being too skinny, but I try not to let the world influence my self image. I take care of myself and I put effort into doing so, but aside from that, I need not forget that I am beautifully and wonderfully made because the One who made me created me in His image. I need to remember that. If only the rest of the world could see it and take it to heart.

All this brings me to the second thing that has been buzzing around in my head.

This is something that I have thought about for..oh, I don't know, the past ten years of my life. It's always on my mind because it (or "he", rather) is very important to me, and that is my future husband.

So how does my future husband and the world being crazy have anything to do with each other?

I don't want to settle for anything, but I especially don't want to settle for whom I will spend the rest of my life with. And you will probably laugh when I say this, but I can't help but think of a Madonna song. "Don't go for second best baby/Put your love to the test.../What you need is a big strong hand / To lift you to your higher ground/ Make you feel like a queen on a throne/ Make him love you till you can't come down.." (that's "Express Yourself")

I want my future husband to love me for the most important reasons. Regardless of my outward appearance, though it is important, it is not the most important thing. I want him to love me for my soul. I don't want to let myself get caught up in the worldy standards of beauty, but rather for the Godly standards. And I want him to feel the same. I want him to love me for my passion, my quirks, my goofy sense of humor, my love of music and books, and above all, my love for God. I daresay those standards are "second best", and I will not settle for anything less.